It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it because I queefed?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
