yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
