Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
