i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
