Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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