can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
