hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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