ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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