So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
