He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize