Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
