Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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