I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
