The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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