Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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