I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
