All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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