yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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