Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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