my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
