saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
