Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
