Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
As shirtless as possible
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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