if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
