Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
