Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
