why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
