Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
