i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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