I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
