I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
