why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
