Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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