OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
