john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
