Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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