I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
