so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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