i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize