i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Shitshow foam night was such a success
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
