Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
