I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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