Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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