the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
