Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize