I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
