I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
