Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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