but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
