You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
