yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
