dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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