As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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