i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
