at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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