My hand turned me down
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
