Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
