that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
