I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
