Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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