Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
