Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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