i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
