I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
