Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
