she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
