Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
