She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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