hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
