just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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